It’s been 15 years of my marriage, it was an arranged marriage . When I was in college doing my studies , I always dreamt of love marriage , as it happens in DDLJ you know . Kajol goes on a college tour and finds her prince charming who later comes playing mandolin in the sunflower gardens . But nothing like that happened in my life and my dad arranged my marriage with  Mr N  . You can read my whole story here

Now  I often tease my hubby Mr N  that I always wanted love marriage but bad luck that  I am still not blessed with love even after 15 years of marriage . Haha !

Well , ours is not a perfect marriage , there have been lot of fights and  anger –over wet towels on bed , finding his white socks under bed and then rubbing hard to clean them , his youtube addiction , his everytime grumble on the feeki chai  issue and a lot more . He finds me too at fault many times – when I ignore dusting for few days , give him  ghiya in tiffin , or when I shout at my maid . He just can’t bear when my voice becomes louder and I don’t like to whisper . We are fighting almost every other day over small issues but you know Tom and Jerry also keep running after each other .

Marital Love is like Tom and Jerry . You decide who’s Tom and who’s Jerry .

 

Ok let us move now  to the marital love – the pillars which make it strong.

Pillars of Marital Love  

1. Friendship

As Shahrukh says ‘ Pyar dosti hai’ it is so true you know . If you have been friends before marriage you are the luckiest . But if your case is same as mine , you can develop friendship .over a period of time . When you talk , laugh , watch movies , and eat together like friends , the love automatically grows .

It’s not lack of love but lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

2. Trust

Trust is a very important factor . Be truthful to each other and trust each other . Neither  hide anything from your spouse nor doubt him . Don’t doubt when he comes back late from office and don’t hide when you shop for yourself . I know it’s difficult but ….

3. Share the family workload

Whether it’s domestic chores or other workload like going to bank , child’s parent-teacher meet , grocery shopping or a doctor’s visit , if the couple shares all the workload , this makes the relationship very strong . Cooking together on a weekend can make the whole next week happy going  . Motivate  or emotionally blackmail him to cook .

4. Share finances

If both the partners are earning , you  should sit and decide which expenditure will be borne by whom . One pays all the bills , the other can pay EMI . If he  buys monthly grocery , you  can buy weekly vegetables stock . Unequal share of finances  in a family can bring bitterness . If your partner doesn’t understand , be firm to demand the share of finances .

5. Saving money  together for your dreams

You are a family . Whatever dreams you have as a unit – be it a holiday trip , new car , own house or child’s higher studies , you should collectively save the money . It’s always  good to have a joint bank account and save a handful in it every month . The joint account makes the feeling of togetherness better .

You know I read a short story somewhere .  May be you  already know but there’s no harm repeating good things .

There was a couple who had a joint account and used to save something in it every time they had something good happening in their life .

It was husband’s  birthday and his wife made him feel special by making a card and baking a cake . Mr husband wanted to keep this happy memory forever , so he saved Rs 200 in their bank account with a note – My 35^th birthday happily spent with my family . One day when Ms Wife was on the bed for a week , Mr husband cooked for all those days and took care of all aspects of home as well child’s studies . Ms wife when recovered deposited Rs 500 in the account with a note – In remembrance of a happy loving week . Once when their child stood at first position in class , they both saved some money in the account with a note – Proud of our child who is our lifeline . It continues for years with both of them saving lots of money and indirectly saving many happy moments to cherish forever .

After years some differences develop in their hearts and both of them decide to separate . But  when they open their passbook to separate their savings too , the long list of happy notes   remind them of all the good times they spent together . Finally the story has a happy ending .

Well ! we don’t practice this but what do you think ? Isn’t it  a simple but beautiful act for collection of happy moments in life?

6. Appreciation & encouragement

As a couple , you should always find ways to appreciate each other . Pass a complement if he’s looking smart . Reply with a smile even if  he cooks bad when it’s his  turn  . If you find any bad habits or faults in your partner , remind him of his virtues instead of all the time complaining about  faults .

7. Adjustments

I know you may say  ‘Badi badi baaten karna bahut aasaan hai’ but when it comes to practical life , all this trust ,love , friendship , is not easy to maintain . In every relation some adjustments have to be made –not just in marital love relation but whether it’s with your siblings , children , friends , adjustments have to be made . There’s no harm in bending down when relationship is more important . In making adjustments  , giving space to each other is also an important fact . Let each one enjoy what he/she wants . As is said that Marital love  is something that doesn’t always come readymade , it has to be created . And some adjustments are OK to go for creating something beautiful.

The best part of Marital love is that it gives you a reason to love , a family to care for , a blessing in the form of divine love of motherhood . Keep the pillars of your marriage strong by holding on to each other in good times as well past .

Do you want to read our journey towards love ?

Just wanted to share :

During the current lockdown , it was my hubby’s birthday few days back . With no option to buy him a gift , i just gifted him a handwritten love note . Have a look :